You have a lot to think about but there are resources and I wish you all the best as you try to figure this out. Its not you, its me is an excuse dumpers use to prevent dumpees from blaming them for the breakup and making things difficult for them. Before you seek help from a mental health professional, try to understand what your partner is going through. I miss him with everything I have and just a week ago I was so happy and now it all feels so bad, Im going through the exact same thing. Ever since I found out about this, Ive been more understanding of his issues & whenever I ask how hes doing, he doesnt like sharing his thoughts or concerns regarding his depression with anyone (not even family). But when you are in one with depression, an important thing to do is understand and learn more about the condition. Tracy Otto, 27, was on a second date with new beau Ricky Riessle when her ex Francpiero Del Medico, 33, broke in and found them asleep in bed, deputies said. His friends had taken him to a psychiatrist & has been on medication ever since! And I also deal with depression but have been getting help and I know how he feels in a way, but I know how to talk about feelings and when things bother me, he doesnt. One of the most critical factors a person experiences in depression is lack of self-worth and excessive worry. I would come to the USA, she would come to France, and vice versa. Does he miss me? Whatever your ex blamed the breakup on, he doesnt want you around. I Miss My Ex-girlfriend So Much It Hurts! You can help them, if they want, to look for treatment, or to just hear them out when they dont feel good. Just good times when we were physically together. Weeks go by and the pain hasnt gotten any better. She is doing a psychology degree at her college, and thats how she realized she might be bipolar and learned more about her symptoms and disorders. My boyfriend broke up with me because of depression is honestly not the only excuse dumpers use. They would have expressed how they felt and looked for solutions to work together despite their mental health illness. Things will make much more sense when you regain emotional independence. A relationship may be affected in many ways if one of the partners has some mental disorder. Why did my depressed boyfriend break up with me? But he almost doesnt realize it. Its really sad and i was heartbroken that she decided that, but on the other hand i know it is for the best, i only hope she feels better and manage to heal, and be happy. If he thinks he needs some space and time to be left alone, offer that to him. He is feeling depressed and he wants to fix it. My boyfriend of nearly 5 months just broke up with me, saying he was too messed up to be in a relationship. We almost broke up in July but decided to try to work on things. Breakups are always difficult, going through one can be a traumatic experience. Did you guys talk again? Its not his fault, but the pain is making you feel frustrated, forcing you to appear out of character. Because I still so badly want to be concidered his girlfriend etc. When he broke up with me, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now and that he needed to be alone to figure his head out. Why Is My Ex So Mean When My Ex Broke Up With Me? Youre probably not doing much/anything wrong, but staying in his life forces him to focus on you rather than himself. Hes happy when everythings fine and unhappy or miserable when he cant get what he wants from you. Fear of getting hurt: Sometimes, depression is so difficult to deal with anything else feels too scary. Thank you all. I dont want to lose him forever, I love him so much and I just wish I could help him :((((( please help if you can. The same is true for your ex. I also found out that he had stopped medication prior to the breakup because he felt like they werent working as he has started getting suicidal thoughts again (he has also written suicidal notes recently, however Im not sure if this is true or not). No arguments. Thank you Zan it helped me to see why he did not try to have a talk to get through issues first. It can be inferred that your boyfriend might have had extreme mood fluctuations which made him take such a decision of breaking up. Depression is a mental illness that can cause a person to experience intense sadness, along with that, they might lose hope in life and the future, along with a decreased sense of self-worth and low self-esteem. It usually causes them to have a more negative vision of themselves, so they might feel like a burden to people, which can cause them to distance themselves. I also gave birth 5 hours after his mum passed so I strongly believe he has a lot of emotions that hasnt dealt with. Take care! Instead of talking about it, he (secretly) blames you for it and thinks you dont listen or sympathize with him. Her life was stressful everyday since then. Breakups caused by depression are more common than you may think. Im going through the same situation. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-leader-1','ezslot_7',110,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-1-0'); If you feel, after the breakup, there is still some space and desire to reconnect, especially if all this is new to you, communicating with them, trying to understand how they feel, and maybe being by their side in looking for help can be a good way to rekindle the relationship. If I may ask, how is everything going with you and your girlfriend now? Read self-help books together to understand how to deal with depression and make a list of everything that could help him get out of the slump comfortably. Genes are not the only factor responsible though. And thats what he does because running away lifts the burden of too many responsibilities and provides him with a sense of relief. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Youd think that a depressed person wants help, but thats usually not the case. My heart aches so deeply and I want him back, but I really dont know if thats a possibility. The most important thing you need to understand about breakups caused by depression is that they dont happen overnight. You need to look at signs of depression in order to know whether hes depressed or not. My boyfriend is suffering from depression and he has been in a really bad mood lately saying how nobody cares about him and how life is pointless and meaningless and things like that and he just broke up with me a couple of hours ago. Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals. I understand that sometimes depression can change the dynamics of a romantic relationship. When family abandons you: what to do next? maybe we can talk privately? We barely spoke during this month, and she told me she wanted to break up this Tuesday. If your boyfriend broke up with you because of your depression, all I can tell you is that you deserve better. I just dont know how I can help him because when I did go see him & call him even after the breakup, he didnt pick up my calls or reply to my messages. We're both in our early/mid-30s and were together for three-and-a-half years. It has been about a month of us being broken up. His unhappiness had been accumulating for days, weeks, or perhaps even longer. I just want him to be happy and I wish I could help him. You will also learn how to help your partner get over the dark phase and ways to reconnect and rebuild your relationship with him. Sorry for this long long essay, but it makes me feel much better writing it down and sharing it. Said all the things Ive read here like its really not you and I just need to be by myself. He told them "if it's not me, it's nobody else!" and sexually assaulted her with a pellet gun, records show . He proceeded to hang out with his friends and cancelled on my twice in a weekend even the make-up plans he made. 791. They can try to make you feel insecure about yourself and the relationship, and with that, the relationship might become co-dependent. 5 months into the relationship, his father passed away and he became depressed and he broke up with me. He said he still loves me, but that it's not fair to me when he needs to be alone all the time. We really loved each other from the bottom of our heart, and it would only become and grow more and more as days passed. Its one of those things that can affect dumpers in bad and good ways. So stay in no contact, get therapy, and do your best to get over your ex. Do I just still treat him like a dumper?! TOPICS HEALTH INFO. He broke up with me yesterday but wants to stay friends I saw him on Thursday and although he was already down, it went well. During our time together he wasn't really on medication, only when necessary. I realised this was recent I experienced the same just a couple of weeks after you and knew exactly how you felt. Heres a picture explaining the difference between internal and external happiness. It's run by a man, John Folk-Williams, who has lived through this himself. We've been going out over 5 years and hasn't seemed himself the past few months and then we were together and he suddenly broke down and told me he has developed anxiety and could be depressed and thinks we need to break up so can can be by himself too. When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. He would say he is stressed, not able to sleep. We've been broken up for just about a month and not a day goes by where he isn't on my mind. It means that he needs to work on improving his coping mechanism and staying in love even if you dont always reach his expectations. A person is diagnosed with depression if they have constantly presented its symptoms for more than two weeks.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'psychreel_com-banner-1','ezslot_5',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-banner-1-0'); Not everyone experiences depression the same way when talking about the frequency and intensity of the symptoms. He said he doesnt want to hurt me anymore than he already has. People may also start to avoid spending time with their partners. Studies suggest that people start to feel better around three months post-breakup. Show him the correct path towards recovery. The phase is so dark that he would end up accepting the fact that he has never loved you ever. This article is very helpful. Be respectful, genuine, and careful. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. I could see his life spinning out of control and he would say every time we talked his life is Fed. He probably wants to distract himself so he doesnt see any reminders of you. Its not uncommon to get blindsided by a depressed boyfriend. Although it wont help you get him back, it will give you some clarity and perhaps even closure. Ill work and focus on myself in the meantime, and will accompany her through this dark tunnel, whether it is as her best friend or her boyfriend, ill always be there for her and want her to be happy. I understand why the break up happened because he has too many things to deal with. Things between us were still the same as before, we were still loving each other and being happy, but i could tell that it was also slowly changing and getting different, and that she was changing too. I gave him everything and got very little in return. If you need assistance for mental health issues, please seek expert opinion and assistance immediately.The information on this page is not designed to replace a doctor or physician's independent judgment about the appropriateness or risks of a procedure for a given patient nor does it represent a diagnoses or advice. I wish I could help him, I wish we could be the happy us that we used to be. If there was something that wasnt as great or emotionally unhealthy in the relationship, it might be hard for them to come back to it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-leader-4','ezslot_11',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-4-0'); Having a mental illness doesnt make it impossible for a person to have a relationship. Affairs arent the only problems, she says. As a dumpee, you likely cant tell whether your ex-boyfriend is telling the truth or if hes just unhappy with you. I Feel Depressed Since My Partner Broke Up With Me Going through a breakup can be challenging, and you may feel many intense emotions when your partner leaves you. And if you dont want to spend time together, why be in a relationship with the person? So dont think that hell run back to you the moment he feels better. Fight the illness together. We hung out last week, and not much progress has been made. The rearing environment has a meaningful impact on risk for major depression, and this effect is likely mediated both by parental depression and the continuity or disruption of the home environment. I have been in no contact since 2 weeks now. I never asked him not to be her friend just not to bring her up because it brought back a lot of trauma for me. Its brought me a lot of strength and hope as Im going through the same thing recently. You should take him to a professional who will be able to dig into the root causes behind his problems. After the breakup he still asked if I was ok and I started opening up on my issues and told him I was also guilty of bottling up issues, was not in the right space to handle his sons situation better and isolated myself and slowly becoming a weight on him. Its also you because he associated unpleasant emotions with you and let those emotions suffocate him and affect his feelings for you. There are many types of depression, but we wont talk about all of them today. Im so confused and hurt and dont know what to do. So that all doesnt help because he said it made him feel overwhelmed and that on top of all that, he didnt have the energy to give me all the love I deserve. And if you want to discuss your breakup with us in private and want a faster, more detailed response, check out our coaching options. I told her and made her find help and counseling, and so she went into a therapy that her college offer since March 1st, she was really looking forward to it, but it was for like 5 sessions and she told me it wasnt helpful to her, because it wasnt really psychologists who can prescribe medications. Because our relationship is great. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-medrectangle-3-0'); As with any other breakup, you can feel like you did something wrong, maybe that you didnt care for them enough. If your boyfriend broke up with you because hes depressed or unhappy, you can be certain he didnt make a quick decision. You feel like your assistance was for nothing and that youre not good enough for him. What is important, when being in a relationship with someone that is struggling with mental illness is to be aware if they are looking for treatment, or are sticking to the one they are in. Along with that, the article will also suggest ways people might cope with a breakup.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'psychreel_com-box-3','ezslot_24',102,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-box-3-0'); There can be many reasons why a person with depression might wish to end their relationship. Hi! Weve only been broken up two days and weve gone NC. Hes just relieved and elated and is going through the stages of a breakup for the dumper. 2) Is there any chance hell be back? Even if you cannot stay with your partner, please help them get proper treatment and medication. He has not responded to any of my texts or phone messages. I wish that he felt the way I did (that we can weather any storm together) but this blog will help me to keep looking forward and to let him go. Ive seen this happen many times and its honestly very sad. Theres no guarantee that your ex will come back after hes dealt with depression, but if he starts dating again and gets hurt (or gets hurt in some other way), he could seek solace in you and try to obtain your validation. Hope you are keeping well! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. If you know your boyfriend has been struggling with depression, you might have realized his behaviors have changed over time. Also, were 24 so were at that weird age where we are trying to figure out jobs and money and trying to move into apartments with our friends. Hi there. Even if i was still there as usual everyday for her while being separated by distance, her mental health slowly got worse. He does this because people close to him have a lot of expectations, requests, and sometimes even demands. Dont let this impact how much you admire your partner, but also leave an open door for checking on each other. But if he is unavailable to do so, it might be hard to not take it personally, or accept the breakup. He is an honourable person, he has strong convictions and doesn't make hasty decisions. This is pretty typical behavior for depressed men who aren't getting adequately treated and by that I mean, aren't in therapy as well as taking medication. My boyfriend broke up with me on Sunday and I cant stop crying. At first, we were just casually talking, learning about each others, spending time together everyday, for quite a while and so we basically were friend, best friends. Healthy dumpers tend to make excuses, blame their ex, or just explain why things happened the way they did. He acknowledges the things youre willing to do with him and for him, but he doesnt want what you have to offer right now. We were both survivors of abusive relationships but only I was dealing with the trauma. In which you can speak about your thoughts and feelings without being judged. The only way through this is to be honest with him about how you feel without attributing blame. Manage Settings He has been depressed for a long time (pretty much our entire relationship which was 2.5yrs) and told me that after I had been gone travel nursing (1 solid month apart) he just spiraled so deep that he didnt even know if he loved me anymore (he said he just didnt feel anything about anything). hello, im going through something similar. He told me he was getting better when I asked him if his new meds were workingwhy doesn't he think we can work as a team and get through this, if I have made it clear that I'm more than willing? They are also very critical about people around them and their own selves. 3) Do depressed people go through the same stages of dumpers remorse as others? One day, youre helping your boyfriend with his stressors, and the next, he no longer appreciates your help and wants to be in a relationship. My girlfriend is actually going through major depression, she also think she might even be bipolar, since her mom is also bipolar. Know that it is not you. In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. I wanna stay friends but I love him so much Would that be healthy? This will let you know how aware they are of their condition, and how committed they are to getting better. She may think of herself as a burden and would want you to be free. I sent it before I read this article anyways. He also said that the breakup was something he had not thought about earlier, but since a few days only. Taking a temporary job he dislikes. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? This is what depression is and does, it breaks everything that is beautiful, loving, and good. In his own words: He thinks things through and makes deliberate, purposeful decisions. How did your stories develop since you posted here? You have no idea when (if ever) the pain will stop. All she had was work, studies, and she had to learn to pay bills on her own, manage her money and have to worry about it.